It has been FAR too long. I missed blogging almost as much as I miss my old house. That is a lot of missing. The Internet on my laptop hasn't been working. I was mad at first and felt serious rage that made me want to throw it across the room. Now I don't feel such emotions because my dad hooked up our old PC up so I can get on here, but it isn't as convenient when I have things to say at midnight.
Yesterday was Seminary graduation and I talked in Sacrament in the Daniel Ward. I miss it there so much. It was probably the best talk I have ever done. I wrote most of it down but I was able to go off on side notes and look at the faces in the audience which I have always wanted to do. I even cried and was not ashamed which is definitely a step in the right direction. I whole heartily believe theatre prepared me for such public speaking, but I give no credit to the teacher of said class. That woman has taught me nothing except how to hate.
After church was Seminary graduation and I somehow was assigned to sing in the choir so I did so. The process of actually graduation was long and boring but I made it through. After I got my diploma, I read it and the prophet's name is signed. I realized he probably didn't sign each paper by hand, but it was still cool to hold something with his signature on it.
When all that 'excitment' was over with, I came home and made a headband with three strips of fabric that has a bohemian essence about it. I am wearing it now and I like it.
This morning, I accompanied my father, mother and grandmother to Salt Lake where we proceeded to pick out new furniture for the downstairs living room. It is ugly down there and all the furniture is uncomfortable. We found something a lot faster than I would ever have anticipated. So we got a beige leather sectional. And if anyone is every looking for any handsome young men, go to Sofa Mart because there are some hot salesmen roaming around, all to eager to help and give you a friendly smile. :)
Well, here come the part that I never fail to get over. I don't like it here. It has been two months since my imprisonment and I feel I will never get into the grove of it. This place is uncomfortable and awkward. I don't have good relationships with the other members of this family and honestly, I don't feel the desire to work towards one. I am sorry if my teenage bratty side is kicking in here, but I have always been a down-to-earth, level headed youth. I think I should finally be permitted some teen rebellion. I was just telling my friend how much I hate it here and how one member seems to be stealing affection towards me from other family members. When I hug my mother, she does the same. It's bizarre and I don't enjoy it. My 1 year old niece was here and she went to said member, then later I was playing with her and tried to pick her up and she turned away. Of course this didn't hurt my feelings. She is one and I picked her up and played with her anyway and she liked it. It's not like she hates me. Anyway the person laughed at the fact she turned away.
I hate it here and miss my old house so much I cry. I have been such a baby lately. I am fine all day and then I come to this awkward place and at night, I lay in bed and just sob. The only one to give me comfort would be my black lab who curls up next to me and puts his head on my hand. When I'm not sad, I'm angry. Angry at my parents for making me move. Angry at my family for not caring. Angry at those already living here for reasons I shouldn't state. Angry at myself. So I throw fits. I rip the ugly, rotting wallpaper in my room. I intend to get rid of it and paint it this summer.
Even as I write this, my family hasn't checked in on me. But whatever.
I graduate on Wednesday and then I am 'free'. However my captivity here will reign strong because it is where I am bound to this summer. I have no means to escape. Until August. Even then I have to come back to this 'home' on the weekends. I apologize for the complaining, but this is the worst place ever. I hate it here. It is not my home and never will be.
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